I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
