Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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