no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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