I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
