Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
