I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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