just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
