Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I can't turn off my feet"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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