how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
