A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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