I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
