I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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