Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
