you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
