I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
