you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
