i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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