Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
