my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
