At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
