I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
