Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
