i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm both gender and math confused
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
