mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How does one acquire holy water?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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