We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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