Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
