it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
