i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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