i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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