We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
