Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
