can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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