I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
