I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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