6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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