it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
