I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
