Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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