fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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