Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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