My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
