He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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