i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
