he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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