Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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