Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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