I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Semen is not good for contacts.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
