When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
