maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
