yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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