Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
What drink are we having for lunch?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
