Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
