Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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