whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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