someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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