Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
