so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
a search helicopter?!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
