Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize