im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
