I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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