Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
