shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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