Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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