no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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