Do you still have your period?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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