I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
