So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
