Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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